do you just make yourself happy with what you've got, if it's not all that you want. try to make it what you want with the risk of loosing it all, or stop it all and look someplace else for what you want. everything is going to hurt in the end anyway. everything. perhaps i'll just enjoy the way i feel when my momentary visits occour. i haven't fealt that way in such a long time. i almost forgot that i was capable of feeling that way. but i'm used to not being loved back. i guess it doesn't make a difference if i stay or go with this situation. i think i'll stay. i really really love this guy. i just wish he fealt the same. or that i knew how he fealt. he tells me he digs me, but that he can't have a commited relationship because i live too far away. damn that. damn that. damn that. hopefully, what i got now lasts till when i move down there, and when i move down there we're all super serious. this is one of the few i could be happy with forever. i wish i could tell him.